*Okay, so before you all think I’m mad and taking my book love too far, I’m just going to point out that this post is inspired by one of Bee’s prompts (no.84, fyi). I’M NOT INSANE, I PROMISE!!! (It was super fun though, so maybe look out for more in the future???)*
I’VE BEEN REREADING THRONE OF GLASS, AND NOW I AM BASICALLY AN ASSASSIN. Ahem. For those of you who are uninitiated (HEATHENS!!!), Throne of Glass sees Celeana Sardothian facing a gruelling climb back to fitness as she battles on to become the King’s Champion.
Now, obviously I am not a slave/assassin queen/potential Queen’s pet murderer, BUT I am a girl battling for fitness. (And, you know, I totally wouldn’t say no to all of that assassin training!) AAAAND my boyfriend is training for the army (he has his final interview and assessment in June… SOOOOOOOOOOOO nervous!), so… I’ve been trying to get my fitness on to support him (and it has nothing to do with the fact that I plan on being the hot army wife. NOSIREEEE.). Anyway, basically the ONLY way to make me voluntarily work out is to role play, so I pretended to be a kick ass assassin, and PB was my grumpy Captain of the Guard trainer.
And no, he had no idea about that.
Step One: Apply body armour.
I have a feeling Celeana’s training gear was a liiiiitttle more heavy duty than this, but the boyfriend says we’re not ACTUALLY allowed to play with swords and knives and stuffs. Sob.
“Dress her in pants and a shirt – something lose, nothing frilly or revealing, and bring a cloak.”
Step Two: RUUUUUUN.
You remember those morning runs Celeana puts herself through?? You know, the ones where she worked so hard she vommed ALL THE TIME??? Yeah, well apparently I’m too lazy for that. It drives my boyfriend mad, but I’m much more content to plod along than race ahead. THESE MUSCLES ARE BUILT FOR ENDURANCE, BABY!! (Except I haven’t endured anything more than five miles in the past two years, BUT WE’RE GETTING THERE.)
“Her lungs burned and her legs were leaden, but she kept running… One step after another, one breath in, one breath out. Breathe – she had to remember to keep breathing… She missed a breath, and her knees wobbled, but she kept upright. The run would be over soon. Soon.”
Step Three: The brutal play park of torture.
Seriously, I thought parks were supposed to be fun. And I suppose if this was a ye olde worlde training camp, it might have been better. BUT IT WAS NOT.
The one highlight was the zip wire. ENDLESS turns on the zip wire. It’s good for your leg muscles, don’t you know!! (Totally just made that up.) (Although actually, it is good for your boyfriend’s arm muscles, ’cause he has to keep towing you back to the beginning each time you fly away. LOLOLOLOL.)
‘Wind tore at her, but Celeana kept her focus on Nox, falling so fast, so far from her outstretched hands.’
Step Four: We drink poisonous smoothies and pretend they taste good.
Remember that poison test?? THIS WAS THAT.
(That purple one was horrific. DEFINITELY THE DEADLIEST. Just FYI.)
‘She had five minutes left – five minutes during which she not only had to identify the poisons in seven goblets, but arrange them in the order of the most benign to the deadliest.’
Step Five: WE BAKE ALLLLLLLLLL THE CHOCOLATE CAKE.
(And don’t you worry your little heads: the recipe will be shared soon, I promise!!)
Soooo… what do you think?? Are you ever tempted to make your life that little bit… story-ish?